February 15, 2012

Dear Family of faith,
I called my mother for Valentines Day last evening. She was glad that I did. "I was hoping that you would call," she said. Then she expressed disappointment that none of her grandchildren had called. She had expectations that didn't pan out, and it saddened her. I have dealt with a lot of people in my life who had expectations that were unrealistic or unattainable or just plain didn't work out. Some of those people have become obsessed with the unmet expectations, never quite able to let go of what they wanted and didn't get. It leads to all kinds of "baggage" in people's lives because they started with certain assumptions that were never going to come to fruition. Parents have expectations of their children which don't work out, so they live with disappointment. Spouses and partners have expectations about each other which never materialize and they feel cheated. Employees have expectations about a job that don't prove realistic. Retirees have expectations about what life will be like in their "golden years" and it's not at all like they envisioned. Unmet expectations result in everything from depression to anger. A lot of life's mental and emotional stress comes from them, and it would seem to be better not to have any expecations. Yet expectations also drive our passions. We dream big and plan large. Many times things don't work out, but once in a while they do. If we expect nothing, we won't get anything, right? What are we to make of it all? Especially in view of what has come to be called "the entitlement generation" that expects everything they want, how are we to live? My advice after all these years in the pastorate is this: Expect nothing of others that you don't control. You may expect your teenagers to be home at ten and have some say-so in that, but don't expect your neighbor to treat you the way you think he or she should; you don't control that. When we don't expect good things, we are surprised by them; and living in gratitude and delight over the unexpected joys and blessings of life is a far better way to live than to be continually disappointed because we expected more. The only one we can really expect to bless our lives is God; the rest of us always fall short.