March 2011 Blog

Dear Family of Faith,
Nobody listens to anyone anymore! I was reminded of that again at a recent meeting that I attended. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, and the topic of conversation changed more frequently than the scenes on a music video. At one point someone asked, “What are we talking about?” No one seemed to be sure!
When people, especially children, have difficulty focusing their attention on things, they are often diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Yet sometimes I wonder whether our whole society is ADD when it comes to listening to others. Maybe this is why compromise is so lacking in every venue of life from government to marriage. Nobody gets what the other party is trying to say! Isn’t this lack of listening and understanding what has fueled the uprisings in Egypt and Libya, Bahrain and Iran? For years the people were speaking and the governments weren’t listening. Isn’t this intransigence in attitude why the Democratic lawmakers in Wisconsin have fled the state to avoid voting to negate bargaining rights for the teachers’ union as proposed by the Republicans in that state? No one is listening; it’s the attitude of “my way or the highway.”
We will never solve this world’s social or political problems by running away from them. Yet if we have no listening skills, we won’t be able even to understand those with whom we disagree. Dear Friends, there is a reason that we have two ears and only one mouth! The wisest people I have known in my life are those who listen long before they speak; and, when they do speak, what they say is usually worth hearing.
Maybe in this world that seems ever more impersonal we feel like our identity and worth are disappearing. Maybe we feel that we are becoming less and less relevant in the grand scheme of things, and such a frightening thought makes us determined to tell everyone we can what we think and know. Admittedly it’s a tough place to be—especially if you are an introvert. We feel stuck between a nebulous, meaningless existence and a boisterous, out-of-character self-promotion that goes against everything we ever learned about humility from the Bible. What are we to do? How can we stop dominating conversations and ‘shutting down’ the voices of others with our insistent talking? How can we ever understand one another?
I have two suggestions. First of all, we need to seek peace—inner peace. We can let go of our campaigns of self-aggrandizement if we are confident of our value as persons. As Christians our self-esteem and self-worth come not from any worldly acclaim or accomplishment, but rather from our identity as God’s children and from God’s love for us. We need to carve out quiet moments of reflection in our days when we can be quiet in God’s presence and so remember who we are and that inner affirmation of God’s care for us. God loves us not for what we say or do, but simply because we are. Knowing that amazing grace allows us to be silent. We don’t have to promote our opinions or get our own way. After all, why would we get anxious or upset over what has no bearing on our worth?
Secondly, we need to get some perspective. We need to step back and see what really matters in the end. Does it matter if a room is painted blue or green? Does it matter if we eat chicken or pork for dinner? Does it matter if something costs $10 or $12? Not in the end! And even if we are “right,” and others are mistaken, I have found that a peace-filled relationship is always worth more than the strife that comes from a verbal battle over whose ideas are best.
Peace and perspective help us listen to each other. Does this mean, then, that we should never speak, never share our good ideas and dreams? Of course not! It only means that letting others share is just as important as our own sharing, and one person speaking at a time is just common courtesy. I think we all learned that in Kindergarten…or weren’t we listening?
Grateful for all you teach me,
Pastor Carlan